Steady heart
by iris0011
Summary: 'I wish I didn't love you so much, because it hurts me to see you in pain... and I wish to love you more, because in my opinion, you deserve all the love in the world...'


_A/N: Hi! I have this new storyline in my head, but I don't know if I really have it in me to write. That's why I'm posting the first chapter now, to see if anybody is even interested in it. _

**Steady heart**

_Plot / Setting: Retelling of events during the time Ichigo was unconscious after the winter war. Mostly Orihime centric. She deals with her love's suffering, and her memories of her time in Hueco Mundo, especially concerning the former 4th espada, Ulquiorra. _

_Pairings: IchiHime, RenRuki_

_Disclaimer: Kubo-sama is the rightful owner of Bleach, I have no claims, except for the storyline..._

_Warnings: spoilers, angst (and as always: English is not my native.)_

…...

Chapter 1

**In pain**

**/day 7/**

Isshin entered the room of his son with the serious expression he only ever used in case of emergencies, most frequently when a grave case was brought before him to his Clinic. He immediately spotted his "third daughter", Rukia, kneeling beside his son's body, clutching his hand, worry and sadness clouding her violet eyes.

'Again?' he asked her, but even without her answer he already knew.

'Yes... and it's quite bad this time...' Rukia looked up at him, but she didn't shift her position the slightest. 'Maybe we should call Orihime...'

They both looked at Ichigo. The teen was lying on his bed. His eyes were closed and his cheeks were shining red. There were sweat-drops pouring down his forehead, and he was trashing and turning under his covers. He faintly moaned now and then, in pain, and his whole body was in high fever.

'No. She's still at school... I'll call Karin to fetch her as soon as her last period ends. I don't want trouble for her.'

But as soon as he said that, the door was thrown open, and Orihime herself rushed in, panting.

'There is... no need for that... Kurosaki-san... I'm already here...' she somehow managed to get out, between drawing in large breathes, clutching her side. Without further greeting, or any questions she just chanted the kotodama and command for her rejecting shield. 'Santen Kisshun, I reject!'

Isshin and Rukia shared a brief glance. Rukia wordlessly released Ichigo's hand, and stood back, to let the healer have better access. Orihime took her place, kneeling down herself, and putting her palms against the shining yellow dome.

Ichigo's body relaxed. His moans stopped. His breathing became more easy, as he returned to that coma-like state he had spent the majority of last week in. At least this was peaceful... like he was just sleeping... The lines of anxiety slowly eased on Orihime's face, giving place to that of steady concentration instead.

'I felt the spiritual disturbance all the way to school this time... I just couldn't not come...' She offered her explanation calmly now.

'Thank you Orihime-chan...' Isshin whispered softly.

…...

**/One week earlier/**

_'You saved me. As you promised. Came for me, fought for me, suffered for me... Then you left me behind... _

_You left me behind to go save others too... _

_It's always like this with you, and it always will be... There's nothing you wouldn't sacrifice for those you care for..._

_And I'm happy to be one of those people... the people you care for... It should be enough... but to tell you the truth... it's not... I'm such a horrible person! Sometimes I wish it was more... and sometimes – the times you hurt yourself because of me – I wish it was less... Sometimes I wish I were the most important person to you, but other times the thought scares me... Sometimes I wish you didn't care at all for others, because than you would be safe, but I know deep inside that I love you just for that... maybe I'm a masochist... I wish I didn't love you so much, because it hurts me to see you in pain... and I wish to love you more, because in my opinion, you deserve all the love in the world... _

_You have left me behind again... you didn't even let me heal you properly... You just ran off, without looking back... Didn't you know that I would follow you to the very end of the world?' _

…_..._

Orihime was running through the garganta. This journey through the passage was different from her previous one, when her only companion was the silent 4th espada, Ulquiorra Cifer, who hardy spoke to her at all, all the time he had led her into Las Noches.

This time, she was with her friends. Rukia was running beside her, sending her reassuring glances from time to time. Uryu and Chad were before her, and Renji behind. At the very front of there group was Nemu, and the smooth, broad surface they were running on, constructed from spiritual pressure particles was her flawless doing. Captain Kuchiki and Captain Zaraki was right behind her, followed by Lieutenant Isane and Hanataro from the 4th division. They were all heading back home...

Orihime's heart was beating wildly in her chest, but not from running. Captain Kurotsuchi had opened the passage up for them to be finally able to return home, but – true to his character - he cruelly refused to let them know what happened, besides stating briefly that Aisen was captured and imprisoned, and Karakura safe... How did the battle go? Were there any causalities? And most importantly... was Kurosaki-kun all right? The uncertainty and anxiety was weighting heavily on her...

She tried to think about happy things, about finally leaving the eternal night of Hueco Mundo, and returning home. To dear Karakura, to her familiar apartment. Kneeling before her brother's portrait again, going back to school, seeing Tatsuki... She wanted those things badly, the things she had accepted never again to be able to do, when she had said yes to Aisen's terms... but everything concerning her normal life seemed distant... in these past weeks she had seen too much, felt too much...

She shook her head while running, in an attempt at clearing her head from the terrifying images that threatened to fill her mind again... She was leaving Hueco Mundo, but it seemed a little part of it will forever be attached to her... She knew she would have to deal with this eventually, but the journey was not over yet: who knows what was waiting for her on the other side... she has to be strong! Maybe Kurosaki-kun needs her help, and waiting for her... and if that was so, she couldn't afford to fall to pieces like before... This thought gave her legs the strength for running forward...

She finally saw a faint light at the end of the tunnel, and known the entrance was close. Everyone in there group took up even more speed, wanting to get there fast... They had arrived to the outskirts of Karakura town, the real one, which was still placed in Soul Society for the time being. As soon as they were out of the dark passage, all the friends let there senses search the spiritual waves. Rukia was the first to give a soft, relieved sigh, followed by a happy grunt from Chad, and a smile from Uryu and Renji. Orihime had not been the only one to be worried for Ichigo... They could all feel his spiritual pressure now...

'Always known that kid was tougher then a rhinoceros... shouldn't have worried for him, Rukia!' Renji teased his companion.

'I wasn't worried for a second, dummy!' she retorted. 'I had complete faith in him! After all, we had all made a promise, to come back!'

'True...' said Chad, brightening up even more.

The two Captains were welcomed back by there squads, and the friends were soon left to themselves. They didn't need to agree on it, they all wanted to be reunited with Ichigo as soon as possible. They walked forward in silence leaded by the feel of his spiritual pressure.

Orihime was still tense. True, she could feel his pressure, strong and steady as always, just like the others did, but she knew her uneasiness would only fully disappear when she could see him with her own eyes. There last parting occurred under dark and heavy circumstances... she needed to look into his warm brown eyes, see his familiar scowl in place, somehow feeling that only seeing those would be able to give her back her peace of mind. The peace of mind which she had left with him, on that fateful night, in his bedroom, when she had gone to say goodby to him...

As the group moved forward, they could see signs of massive destruction to the scenery that clearly happened recently...

'Wow... look at that mountain... like some force just sliced through it... wonder what happened here...' said Renji, shuddering.

'I bet we don't really want to know...' commented Uryu.

Orihime suddenly felt impatient despite herself. She didn't know why, but she doubled her pace, getting in front of everyone else... and the next moment she saw the outline of two figures. One was standing, but her attention was immediately caught by the one sitting with his back to her on a rock.

Her eyes became round... the hair color matched, but it was longer than she ever remembered seeing it before... he was taller too, if that could be judged in his sitting position... the most part of his bankai-coat was missing, revealing his well muscled upper-body...

Her mind registered everything. Two arms, two legs... his head still connected to his body... he seemed to be in one piece, missing nothing... but it was still hard for her to believe that it was really him... She slowed down, and approached him cautiously, only spearing a side-glance to register from his green cloak, that the other man with him was Urahara Kisuke. The former soul reaper Captain looked up at her, but didn't speak.

When she arrived within earshot she found her lips move with his name unconsciously.

'...Ku... Kurosaki-kun?'

He looked up, a little disoriented, apparently surprised to see them all there. Yes... it was really him...

'Inoue? Ishida? Rukia? Chad? Renji?' Ichigo's surprise turned more like joy with every name he called out. 'What are you guys doing here? Is it all right for you all to be up like this?'

'That's my line!' Rukia scowled at him.

Orihime couldn't take it any more. All the anxiety and insecurity she had felt in the last hours finally overtook her, and hot tears filled her eyes. 'I... I knew it was you! Your hair was long, so I thought maybe I was seeing things...'

Rukia only smiled understandingly at her friend. Ichigo also smiled, looking at Orihime.

'Geez! What a face you're making, Inoue! I know my hair's a mess though!'

And for a moment, there eyes met. At that moment Orihime felt that maybe she could now began healing, and start to forget all those dreadful memories of her capture in Hueco Mundo... The nightmare was finally over...

But then he took a step forward, and his face suddenly strained. He fell down to the ground. His eyes bulged, and his whole body tensed as a loud cry of pain left him. The friends were frozen in place. Nobody knew what happened or what to do. They all cried out a moment later.

'Kurosaki!'

'Ichigo!'

'Kurosaki-kun!'

They ran to him, and turned him over. His eyes were now closed, but he was still shouting, screaming in agony.

'Stand back!' Orihime commanded. She even surprised herself with her stern, commanding voice despite the tears pouring down her face. 'Santen kisshun, I reject!' she called out desperately for her shield the moment the others obeyed. The yellow dome appeared instantly, covering Ichigo's trashing body. But his screaming didn't stop... Orihime's face screwed up in concentration, as she pushed more of her spirit energy into the shield. It was still no good. Sweat-drops appeared on her forehead.

'Inoue-san...' Urahara approached her cautiously.

Even as he did, the yellow shield broke, scattering into a thousand shining particles. Orihime stared at it dumbfounded. _'What had happened?'_ she asked herself fearfully.

Every eye looked at her, the same question burning in them.

_'I don't know what it is, but __Kurosaki-kun__ is obviously hurting! I must put him right!' _She gathered her resolve, and called out her shield a second time, almost shouting. 'Santen kisshun, I reject!'

'Inoue-san... it's not going to be that easy this time, I'm afraid...' Urahara said softly, his sorrowful eyes downcast in the shadow of his hat's brim.

She could see and feel her shield in place, but it seemed to be doing nothing for Ichigo. She struggled in vain to keep it in place, but it shattered again within minutes. The tears were burning her eyes now, and her breathing was heavy with sobs.

Rukia turned wildly to Urahara.

'Do something! Urahara-san!'

'Sorry... I can't...'

'What do you mean you can't?' the black haired girl raged at him. 'I'm sure you know what's happening! I'm sure you had a hand in bringing it about! Now you must do something to help him!' She approached Urahara, with a dangerous light burning in her eyes. The shopkeeper took a step backwards as she approached.

'Easy, easy! Hey, I swear I didn't have anything to do with it this time... of course I knew, or rather hoped how it will all play out, but that is more of a nice insight into character than anything!'

'Like hell I will believe that... you were toying with Ichigo all along! Using him... just like you did to me!'

Chad stepped beside Rukia.

'I want to know what's happening to Ichigo!' he demanded.

'Yeah, tell us Urahara!' seconded Uryu.

Orihime was still crying. 'Why? Why am I not able to reject it?' she asked shakily.

Her heart was aching terribly, almost as if she could feel her loved one's pain herself...

Urahara sighed heavily. He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his thoughts, and deciding what exactly to share with them. Finally he began the explanation.

'In order to defeat Aisen he had to use a special technique... He became one with his zanpakuto-spirit, gaining unimaginable strength and power... but only for a short while. Using techniques like that always have it's cost...'

Uryu looked up, shock and sadness in his blue eyes. 'He will lose his powers...' he said quietly, as all eyes turned to him briefly.

'Correct.' answered Urahara bitterly. 'The spiritual pressure he possesses now will slowly burn away, leaving nothing behind. He will lose all his soul reaper and hollow powers, his zanpakuto... everything. In the end, he will be just like a mere human.'

Rukia, Chad and Renji looked at the former soul reaper Captain horrified. Then they looked back to the trashing teen on the ground, emotions visible on even the boys faces...

'But...' said the shopkeeper quietly. '… he will be alive.'

Silence followed his words, as they all digested them.

'How long will it take?' Rukia asked finally, in a broken voice, trying to grasp at something practical in order to revert her mind from going totally numb with pain...

'I don't know... but I'll tell you my theories... Since he had always possessed fair amount of spiritual pressure, I'm guessing it will take a while. Things will most likely happen periodically. I think there will be unstable periods, with swirling spiritual pressure, burning and pain... And during that time he will lose some of his pressure. Then after each "burning" period, his spiritual pressure will stabilize at a lower level than before. This same pattern will continue until he looses all... I can't tell on which point he will regain his consciousness, but for the mean time it's better for him to be out...'

Orihime listened to the shopkeepers words, but they just didn't seem to make any sense to her.

'But... but Urahara-san!' she protested. 'I should be able to reject it, shouldn't I? I mean, if it's the matter of strength, I don't care, I'll try until I succeed! I want to be strong enough for this!'

Urahara shook his head sadly.

'I'm sorry, Inoue-san, but you can't. It's not about strength. You wouldn't be able to reject this, even if you were a thousand times stronger than now.'

The shopkeeper's words shocked her. After all, she had already brought him back from the dead once... returning his powers to him didn't seem like such a big thing after that... Did Urahara doubt her abilities? Or did she understand Aisen's words wrong? The former soul reaper Captain had discussed her abilities before his assembled Espadas on her very first day in Las Noches. He had said it was not temporal or spacial regression, rather an ability to undo any event along with there consequences. One of the espada even compared her powers to that of gods... If that was so, she should be able to undo Kurosaki-kun loosing his powers... it would be the least she could do for him, after all he did for her, and others... and she couldn't bare to see him in so much pain! Nobody should deserve such pain! So why can't she just reject it?

'Why?'

'You can't reject it, because this was his choice. Out of his free will, in full understanding of his actions, he chose to sacrifice his powers to save everyone... you can not outdo that...'

'Oh...' Orihime froze, as the shopkeeper's words settled in herself. She felt a lump forming in her throat. Maybe her powers were indeed like a god's... and it's limitations were similar it seemed... free will... Of course she had never thought about that before... She had never before wanted to outdo something for somebody, which that person choose for him- or herself. But it all made sense to her now... She had never carved to have god-like powers... the very thought had scared her, when that Espada had mentioned it... and right now she discovered why a human with a warm, beating, feeling heart should never have them...

Rukia came to her side, and put her small hand comfortingly to her back. She wanted to say some calming words, but next moment Orihime broke free of her touch, and surprised them with crying out a third time.

'Santen kisshun, I reject!'

Urahara was totally shocked at first, his fan dropped right out of his hand. But the next moment all signs of surprise vanished, as he understood her motives. 'Ah...' he said softly. 'I see...'

The others turned to Orihime, wanting to stop her from needlessly pushing herself to the limits, when Urahara already made it clear it was futile... but they were cut short by Ichigo's shouts suddenly stopping, and his body relaxing under her dome.

Orihime's face showed determination behind her tears as she looked up to face them all.

'At least I can do this... I can reject his pain.'

…...

_A/N: So, what do you think? Did you like it? Should I continue? I have a special thing in mined for bringing Ulquiorra into the story. (No, he will not resurrect, or turn into a soul reaper or anything, but you'll see, if I ever get there.)_


End file.
